I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
