I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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