Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
