Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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