Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
