That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize