I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
