I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
