i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
