Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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