if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
