your thong is hanging out like whoa
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
