some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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