i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
