I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
