do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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