okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
