just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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