i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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