I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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