So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
