Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
