I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
