You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
