we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
