You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
