By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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