Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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