Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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