I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
