I will die if light touches me.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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