Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
