I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
