The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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