Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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