you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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