yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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