I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
