Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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