At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
