I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
