I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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