yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
