I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He felt like a one man threesome
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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