She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
