i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
