what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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