Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
