we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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