is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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