Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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