you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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