They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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