I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
