I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
